Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Simply a Not-So-Good Update

I will try and keep this as a short and sweet update. and mix in some random pretty pictures

I have been feeling really under the weather lately. i sleep about 10+ hours every night and feel exhausted with a headache the next day. not to mention my kidney infection, though thank god i finally got the right antibiotics for it. now i only have to take four more pills a day in addition to my usual regimen! 


in addition my thyroid levels are normal now last real medical hope of feeling better (i.e. being able to lose weight and maintain it like a normal human, the ability to wake up and go through my day not fighting severe fatigue non-stop, or having a proper functioning body that doesn't need 12-16 pills to keep it "average") has seemed to vanish. things seem...bleak. 

i skipped my short run today because of my back pain yesterday. yesterday i also did some "sad/pity eating," so skipping my run and doing minimum abs may not have been the best. and i felt very guilty because i didn't experience the same severe back pain today. but right is actually starting to come back. which is stressful only because i plan on doing the 5-mile run tomorrow. 

but i guess worst case is i move the run to Friday. since i have been feeling so crappy this week i sold my Mystery Bus ticket, so i will be my average exhausted on Friday instead of mega exhausted, so i may do a 2.5 mile run to school, unless my plans tomorrow fall through :/


the only kids my age who take as many pills as me are those who are seriously ill, which really only makes me feel worse for pitying myself. but it just...gets really frustrating when i put in hours a week working out, running and doing strength, and when i try my best to not put anything unhealthy in my body on a regular basis, and when i eat according to the food pyramid, and do virtually EVERYTHING that a "healthy" person is supposed to do. and all my body ever seems to do is let me down. thats all it ever seems to be doing. and that...for an 18-year-old, is just really, really hard. 

all this...infection and body problems make me hesitant to go and do anything with people. once i get home from college, i just want to lock myself in my room. i don't have the will for much else :(


on...another note, i am going to try and eliminate gluten from my diet. i have a giant thing of oats in the pantry, and i will continue eating that because...well it is there...but besides maybe a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, i am giving up gluten.

the only time in memory when i lost weight and was at my happy weight, i remember not eating very much, and working out on the trampoline every day (which i am learning now wasn't as good of exercise as i thought at the time). but thinking back, every weekend at my ex-boyfriend's house i would eat tons! all relatively healthy food, but we would make and eat delicious things. and the only thing i can think about that was different at that point? i didn't eat gluten because he couldn't. i had gluten-free bread for lunches during the week, and all i ate over the weekend was gluten-free food with my boyfriend. 

this is my last hope. 

so it's worth a try eh? even though i don't eat much gluten now, it is the ONLY thing i can think is wrong. so...we will see i guess? :/ 

it means a lot if you managed through this depressing least on Friday i get to go to Laura's! wish me luck with this gluten thing.

one more picture for reading. oh and happy thanksgiving!

1 comment:

  1. emma,
    Sorry all of this is so hard. We will never stop trying to figure it all out. Don't give up. You are a wonderful young woman and many people love you.
    Happy thanksgiving - we will be thinking and praying for you.