Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Books and the Outdoors

I am very sorry to have left you all on that rather down-beat post for so long!

I am at a bit of a loss where to begin with this one however! I guess i will just try to trace back the days for you!

Thursday, i did end up going on my long run. However, that nice 5-miler i was planning became a 6.75 mile run, courtesy of epic failure with directions, and navigation around the nearly street sign-less area of Rathmines. 
I ended up running through a golf course out of pure desperation trying to find my way home! It all worked out though, because i met the very nice owner of the golf course who (after informing me it was a private club and i was going the wrong way) drove me back to the road in his golf cart. 

haha it was an interesting run, for sure. 

Friday i ran to school, then got in trouble at Cafe Fresh for loading a bit too much food on my 7.25 euro plate...whoops!

then i raced aboard a train and worked on my essay for English class on my way to Laura's!

It felt great to be back in Mayo again! I absolutely adore Laura's family, and it gives me a very comforting sense of home (a few times however, i became overcome with cravings for a hug and to be with my own family :/ ).

Friday and Saturday i enjoyed plenty of yummy food, great talks with her family, and a shut-in lazy Saturday as i finished The Thief Lord. A splendid book minus the very last line. haha

Then Sunday we got up a bit earlier and went hiking out on the Western Way trail, which was absolutely GORGEOUS! For the beginning of the hike it was almost all paved trail, however we did follow Kip and Laura's Dad's leads and traveled through the actual woods for a better view. 

Run Kip! Run!

i loved this picture. the caption in my head was "this must be the light"
Laura's dad wanted her to try to climb across...after much pleading her mom just walked away haha

Completely stunning right? I felt so blessed to be able to get out to such gorgeous sights!

Laura and i also off-roaded it and hiked up a nice little hill in desperate search for a view! The day was still beautiful and clear, but as you can see in some of the pictures the dark started to approach.

just look at the sky comparison from here

to here!

and then, just as the trail started to turn into a REAL hiking trail, the rain began!
slowly at first, then enough to ensure the next section of the hike was nearly all mud...

the above are pictures i took after the worst of the mud-trek.

and below are some of the fun pictures from the end of the hike!

the Ireland i know and love, where sheep roam free

i have to say, i am a tad obsessed with unique bridges right now

not the best picture...but oh well haha
oh, and the after hike:
they are still dirty
So then we boarded the train and headed home, but with Laura's sister who is staying with us this week! It was really sad saying goodbye to her parents though, because they have been so wonderful to me! And my talk with her mom on Saturday, it really made me feel better about my decision to go and pursue a more fun option than college. She made a lot of my anxiety that had built up recently about not going to college NOW subside, and i was left feeling really happy and excited for my decision, and confident i will continue to learn in more exciting ways than most of my student counterparts ;)

So that brings us to Monday, where i skipped my run and walked in and out of college. it was a pretty darn nice day :)
i just discovered that i need to set aside an extra hour when i go to sleep for...tossing and turning time :/

and Today. I woke up and saw the constant stream of rain outside. After serious contemplation of skipping my run, i forced myself to go out in the rain for a 3 mile run, just around a loop twice. the way the rain was falling reminded me of how it rains in Oregon, which brought an odd comforting sense to me. When i got home after the run, i was amazed at how GREAT i felt! it was as if the rain had just washed all the worries and pain away from my body, and i was left with pure simplicity. 

i spent a great deal more than i should have the rest of today scoping out the best deals for Christmas gifts, and managed to pick some stuff up for my youngest sister! I also viciously read some more of Battle Royale, and i am pretty proud for getting 165 pages into a 576 page book in just two days of reading, especially considering all the characters' names are very traditional Japanese ones. Man that has been confusing! But it is a wonderfully fast read though. i am so glad i finished my very LAST assignment for the year tonight! that means i can now spend my free time reading, instead of typing and getting distracted on the computer :P

a quick angry note: the crap washers in Halls only washed half my clothes in the cycle. somehow, only half of them got wet and had soap on them...they really are poor quality and for 3 euro a load for 38 min of washing, and 50c for 20 minutes of "drying" your clothes to damp...ugh you think there would be a better system!

well i am off to sleep because it is about 01:00 here! And i am getting up at 9 to go on a...wait for it...7 mile run! plus .20 miles for warm up and cool down but...i'm excited! and a little scared. my body is so up and down all the time that i never know what it will be up for in the mornings. But i just have to remember worst case scenario, i CAN schedule. 

but besides that, wish me luck :D

and now i think i will end this post with some pictures of Grafton Street (i promise i will get better ones, i just liked the funny light trick ), and inside Poswerscourt at Christmas time!

only one more day until December :) November may be my favorite month but i don't think i have been this excited for Christmas in a long time :)

see the ballet shoes? :)

main entrance

ahh it feels like Christmas :)


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Simply a Not-So-Good Update

I will try and keep this as a short and sweet update. and mix in some random pretty pictures

I have been feeling really under the weather lately. i sleep about 10+ hours every night and feel exhausted with a headache the next day. not to mention my kidney infection, though thank god i finally got the right antibiotics for it. now i only have to take four more pills a day in addition to my usual regimen! 


in addition my thyroid levels are normal now so...my last real medical hope of feeling better (i.e. being able to lose weight and maintain it like a normal human, the ability to wake up and go through my day not fighting severe fatigue non-stop, or having a proper functioning body that doesn't need 12-16 pills to keep it "average") has seemed to vanish. things seem...bleak. 

i skipped my short run today because of my back pain yesterday. yesterday i also did some "sad/pity eating," so skipping my run and doing minimum abs may not have been the best. and i felt very guilty because i didn't experience the same severe back pain today. but right now...it is actually starting to come back. which is stressful only because i plan on doing the 5-mile run tomorrow. 

but i guess worst case is i move the run to Friday. since i have been feeling so crappy this week i sold my Mystery Bus ticket, so i will be my average exhausted on Friday instead of mega exhausted, so i may do a 2.5 mile run to school, unless my plans tomorrow fall through :/


the only kids my age who take as many pills as me are those who are seriously ill, which really only makes me feel worse for pitying myself. but it just...gets really frustrating when i put in hours a week working out, running and doing strength, and when i try my best to not put anything unhealthy in my body on a regular basis, and when i eat according to the food pyramid, and do virtually EVERYTHING that a "healthy" person is supposed to do. and all my body ever seems to do is let me down. thats all it ever seems to be doing. and that...for an 18-year-old, is just really, really hard. 

all this...infection and body problems make me hesitant to go and do anything with people. once i get home from college, i just want to lock myself in my room. i don't have the will for much else :(


on...another note, i am going to try and eliminate gluten from my diet. i have a giant thing of oats in the pantry, and i will continue eating that because...well it is there...but besides maybe a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, i am giving up gluten.

the only time in memory when i lost weight and was at my happy weight, i remember not eating very much, and working out on the trampoline every day (which i am learning now wasn't as good of exercise as i thought at the time). but thinking back, every weekend at my ex-boyfriend's house i would eat tons! all relatively healthy food, but we would make and eat delicious things. and the only thing i can think about that was different at that point? i didn't eat gluten because he couldn't. i had gluten-free bread for lunches during the week, and all i ate over the weekend was gluten-free food with my boyfriend. 

this is my last hope. 

so it's worth a try eh? even though i don't eat much gluten now, it is the ONLY thing i can think is wrong. so...we will see i guess? :/ 

it means a lot if you managed through this depressing update...at least on Friday i get to go to Laura's! wish me luck with this gluten thing.

one more picture for reading. oh and happy thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Just an Update with a Side of French Toast

Why hello. 

glad to see that last entry didn't scare any of you away! 

i really hope you all enjoyed that story, Blake was a very important figure in my life, and a huge influence shaping me into the person i am now. i thought that publishing that story for an entry was the least i could do in his breathtaking honor. 

So an update on my first week after New York? Well it has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster to say the least as far as my "love life" goes, but that jazz is slowly getting worked out. It's also a bit personal for here. 

But looking back on the week, i feel good. not because the new classes i am attending are really that riveting, or that i am having a crazy exciting social life, but because i haven't counted calories all week, and i haven't stressed over my rest days.

its a freaking miracle. 

but even though i have had some other health issues this week, right now after my 5mile run yesterday, and my 3.5 mile run today, i am feeling pretty good. I ate 1 1/2 jars of peanut butter this week (you know, the kind from Peanut Butter & Co. i KEEP talking about???), but amazingly i haven't felt sick from eating at all this week. talk about a miracle. but it has made me extremely happy, and been a bit of a weight off my chest that my body has worked okay, and enjoyed those rest days!

i also discovered a girl in my Psych class is vegan! That has been fun because it is someone to talk to about food that agrees with me, and we are going to hit up all the great veg places in the next month!

that's the other thing. it really hit me on Friday that the 1st week has just flown by, only four weeks left in Dublin. 

i guess i should talk about that too.

after countless hours of thought, i have decided that, at this point in my life, school is not where i need to be. that isn't to say i don't still love Psychology (it breaks my heart that i am possibly leaving a career of helping people who have so little hope or compassion towards them), and i am not proclaiming i will never go to school again. what has mainly been swimming through my mind are the following things:

- i have spent the last four years "just getting through it" when it comes to school. everyone always promises you that once you get to college, school gets interesting and you just start to love your life and experiences. 
but that hasn't been the case for me. 
i found that being in college now, i have the same "just get through this, and THEN you will be happy" mindset. 
- i have severely suffered emotionally the last four years, only with the promise of happiness once i got through it. and you know what? that isn't what i got. and guess what? i think especially after the last four years i deserve happiness. i want to be happy for one of the first times in my life. and i don't want happiness in four years, or seven which is more likely, i want to be happy in my life now. 
- i want to go and experience the world. i am sick of wanting to be an adult and getting tricked into being a kid still. i want to work, travel, live.
and i want to now. no more waiting or putting it off. 

so that is what i am doing. next term i will hopefully be working at one of the fine vegan food establishments in Portland, Oregon. i am thrilled to be going home :)

i may also apply to The Natural Gourmet Institute for culinary school! how cool would that be to work in New York?!
and i also have a plan about a documentary. i don't want to go into too much detail now, but basically it was inspired by Life In A Day, and a recent realization about love. let's face it, i am a hopeless romantic, and everything about love fascinates and captivates me. but i will give you more details later :)

so. really. quick. 
my plan this week is to run every day. a medium (3.5-4 miles) tomorrow, shorter (3miles) Tuesday and Wednesday, another 5 mile run Thursday, and a 3 mile run Friday. Then on Saturday i will hopefully be at my friend Laura's house just exploring around, and then Sunday the plan is to hike around in Ireland's most remote region! So hopefully all goes as planned and it will be a great week!
running update: due to back pain i am skipping my Wednesday run. i may walk to school, but we will see. And Friday is being shortened to 2.5 - the distance to school

i am also attending this on Thursday night. looks crazy right?!
man, Friday will be rough.  

okay, well as a reward for suffering through this far too informing entry, i have pictures of what i got at the Co-op Thursday!
just look at the colors!

and now, even better, i just made french toast. for as easy as it was, it was fantastic. 

awesome seed-y bread i bought and froze to use as needed! not as good as Dave's, but it will suffice for now

soaking liquid was a pretty color in real life...

notice how there is only a slice and a half? i got a little impatient... 

i didn't have maple syrup...maple syrup peanut butter! ;)

Too Easy to Really Be a Recipe, French Toast
serves 2

  • 2 1/2 T spelt flour
  • 1/2 cup of almond milk, or juice (i used cranberry juice to give it a little holiday zing)
  • 2 t sugar
  • 2 t cinnamon (or less, if you aren't a big fan)
  • 1 t ginger
  • 2 large, thick slices of vegan bread (the healthier the better!)
  • oil for frying (i used coconut, but i would suggest something else. it didn't brown like i wanted, and the coconut didn't come through strong enough for me)
  1. mix all the dry ingredients together, except the bread.
  2. add the milk, or juice to the dry mixture and whisk until there are no longer clumps in the batter.
  3. dip the bread in the mixture and let soak for about 2 minutes each side, or until most of the liquid is gone. 
  4. heat the oil of your choice over medium heat in a skillet until hot.
  5. add the bread and cook until golden-brown on each side.
see? not even a recipe it is so easy! i am excited to experiment with this though and bring in some more holiday spice :)

well, i think that's it folks. hope you enjoyed this and if i don't post soon, Happy Tofurky Day!


Friday, November 18, 2011


Unbelievable it has been seven years already

since Blake died. Blake was a horse, for those of you who don't know. And my first, and last truly real best friend. i could talk more about it here, but i would rather post my essay i wrote for English last year on the subject of Blake, and his death. I left the introduction i wrote last year in a rough draft in, because i think it adds to the story.

as a general update: i am dropping out to become a vegan baker and make a documentary. i will post about that in another entry. 

so here it is, in honor of you, Blake. 

It was November 18th of 2010 and I had carried out an average day. I knew what I would write the English memoir about, but I had thought about it and decided a week prior. I had just parked in my driveway and I remembered the 6-year anniversary I had neglected. My heart began to withdraw and curl into itself, shriveling, and folding smaller and smaller. The tingling prick of needles that consumes limbs when they fall asleep crept over my shoulders and arms. My stomach was nonexistent and instead there was a boiling pool of rage. Fury at being content, at forgetting. I thrashed at the steering wheel and slammed my head back and back again. I clawed at my legs and arms; at my twisted face my nails dug too. There was a CD in my car, and I played “Set Fire to the 3rd Bar” by Snow Patrol, and “Jesus Christ,” and “Handcuffs” by Brand New. They were the only fitting songs in my car. My body shook as I scratched and tore at my legs – a natural response to heighted peaks of depression for me. I first discovered this the summer before junior year, where I would wake up with red legs, and stained bed sheets. My nail beds were packed with skin. It was my subconscious obviously, acting on the self-hate that accumulated and grew at an alarming rate not-so-deep within me. Was that a fun thing to wake up to? No. I had to do a lot of sheet soaking that summer. Occasionally I will wake to a bloody coating once again, and I smile. I understand my subconscious’s actions while I sleep, and that pleases me. Some people know how their mind works, so by actions they do not recognize to be in control of they can understand the innermost feelings.
I listened to these songs for half an hour. How far away he was, and I from where my mind should be – perhaps. My stomach returned in time for a gag-reflex in substitute for throwing up. That is what crying does.
            “Crying” is an intransitive verb. The definitions consist of: 1. to call loudly, 2. to shed tears often noisily, 3. to utter a characteristic sound or call, or 4. to require or suggest strongly a remedy or disposition. The second definition is the most common usage, and the action can draw different reactions. Common side effects include: shaking, throwing up, screaming, hugging, clenched muscles, throwing things, and self-mutilation, i.e. cutting, burning, coughing in order to feel a scratch in the throat, ect. Now how odd are any of those, really.
I moved inside after the torturous ritual, to allow my body to become victim to another song not available in my car. Listening to my most fitting song, I began to spew my memoir for English class. I didn’t move from the computer screen for two hours and I told the story I have written of often, but never out of apology. I always remembered the days, and I remember the significance of every passing day of the story. Today, however, I had forgotten.
            “Neglect” is a transitive verb. The definitions consist of: 1. to give little attention or respect to, and 2. to leave undone or unattended to especially through carelessness. Some people are just careless I assume.
“As Your Voice Fades” by Emery begins with,
Somebody please tell me
What am I suppose to do?
You've died and I'm here
Thinking that I hear your voice,
But it's somebody else
It's always somebody else
Why did you die?
Don't leave me please”
I beg of you now, don’t leave me. You have a choice as he did not. Don’t leave my story to weary sightless eyes.

I am sorry Blake. This is for you.
A turn of the head may leave certain people dizzy and grasping for a hold. These same people may shake convulsively at shocking events in their lives. These people cough ferociously, scraping their throats because it soothes whatever darkness is eating them inside.  Imagine what would happen to a person like this if their best friend died.
The girl would never expose her red eyes and soggy face again. She, who is so like those mentioned above, was sprawled on the carpeted fork of her stairway, convulsing on her knees. Hands and words were stroking her back, while only seconds before, those watching stayed their distance fearfully. The eleven-year-old’s mother and sister were staring, not quite understanding. Mother still held the phone in her thin hand, telling sister and sister’s friend that something had happened. The two younger girls had been playing when the mother was on the phone, and she didn’t understand. As the trembling girl fell to the ground, the young children became nervous. The children’s interest was sparked, mostly because of the color that left the older sister’s face. They were not listening when the mother only had to glance at the eleven-year-old to convey everything.
Most children do not understand death; but children who have truly loved an animal seem to understand death better than most. Perhaps from the death of their first pet mouse, they become desperate for life. These children are swallowed by their loss, and the only light they see is to become susceptible again. That is not to say these children leave loss behind easily, for these are the humans that value lives, whether animal or human, for the sake of those without a voice, or thumbs. 
To understand death, a child need only be 12 months old. My parents showed me a movie about a bear cub who grows up to have a happy and humorous life. The cub’s mother was killed by an avalanche of rocks that was not shown on film.  What was shown was the mother bear isolated on a cliff – adult tragedy, parents would think. The rocks pounded down in a low angle shot. I sat through the film silent and entranced, waiting. Parents do not expect their child to sweat fearfully, asking about the mother bear while the credits roll by. I would assume that such a young child would have forgotten the one minute-long event at the beginning of the film since it wasn’t mentioned again. Some children however, don’t give up hope that a mother bear miraculously survives an avalanche at the beginning of the movie. They still hope the mother bear is reunited with her cub in the conclusion. Indeed, they long for such a conclusion so much that their hope consumes the entirety of the movie.
That same hopeful child entered her house dreadfully. The day had dragged on while she prayed her one real friend would be all right. Julia had promised to call her first, right after the surgery and after the doctor checked Blake for any possible aliment. The riding instructor knew the two had a fierce bond. The eleven-year-old girl loved Blake, and Julia saw this every time the girl would dilly-dally around the barn for hours, brushing, walking, and confiding in Blake. The other riding instructors thought the girl crazy, because of her claims that Blake would speak back to her. He did, of course, speak to the girl, and helped her solve every problem she faced during 6th grade. Blake understood everything she said to him, as she saw how he would stare at her with his silky chestnut ears perked and attentive. He would pull her to his powerful shoulder with his sculpted neck and rest his head by her when she was crying about the horrors of little girls. Blake was the kindest horse in the barn, and even with arthritis, as a result of his racing days, he was the fastest horse in the stables. However, he did not want to win races. Blake never wanted to beat the other competitors, and therefore his speed was useless. And so, he lived the dreary life of a lesson horse.
The girl never gave much thought to Blake’s situation until many years after he left. No one could happily live a life of obedient shuffling, especially when the shuffling consisted of being ridden by spoiled horse-brats. Most of the children who spent so much money on horses were after only ribbons. Like Blake, the young girl never valued colors of fabric. She enjoyed pitchforks and dirty stalls as much as Blake enjoyed a clean blanket of cedar shavings. I always hoped that my love made Blake’s life slightly more bearable.
Obviously not bearable enough. He died of heart failure.   
Blake had been trailered to Washington on a Sunday, so for two days the girl had ridden Ben, a big red chestnut who loped around with heavy feet. Ben was different from Blake, who was thin, sleek, and stood at 16.2 hands. When he moved, Blake glided forward in smooth steps – never pulling at the girl’s arms.
Jockeys always carry crops with them when they ride. Throughout the entire race, the horses are whipped as encouragement to go forward faster. Not all horses – imaginably – react well to such harsh treatment. For a horse with a soft heart, crops are a scolding, not a kind of twisted encouragement.
In riding lessons the eleven-year-old would often get in trouble for not using her crop. To a child obsessed with animals, hitting one seems to go against compassionate nature. If a rider tapped Blake with the whip, he would begin to shake in fear. The eleven-year-old realized this quickly, and refused to even touch Blake with her riding crop. Out of desperation, she discovered that flicking the crop forward in her hand so that Blake’s eye caught sight of the whip, had the same effect as hitting another horse with a crop. Blake would lengthen his stride and stretch his legs at the flicking. He would also – on the rare occasion he needed encouragement – soar higher than any of the horses in his lessons. He was significantly underrated.
She felt like Blake understood her and she him, because of their unique tricks with each other. Through two years of devotion, she discovered how well he was able to understand her and answer her back. She needed only to explain her confliction to him in detail and in a moment, the girl understood how to handle her childish problems in grown-up fashion. Blake had a knack for negotiating with the child. Blake could communicate the truth, she refused to hear from others, into terms that made sense and that she admired. He could persuade her to do anything.
Can anyone really judge their own pain without comparison? What human can truly understand others’ suffering? Many children turn to animals for the support their parents can’t seem to get right. The problem isn’t that parents are doing anything wrong, but they are not doing what their child has in mind for comfort. Animals are compassionate without trying, and in their eyes children see their own understanding looking back. Horses have the largest eyes of all land mammals, so one can understand why some of the most difficult children to reach see their own problems reflected so well in those dark glossy eyes.
The young girl did not think much of Blake’s departure to a vet in Washington. Consciously, her reasoning was based on her whole-hearted belief that Blake would return the following Sunday. Subconsciously, her hope was due to the fact that she had not said a real goodbye; last Thursday she had merely kissed Blake goodbye until Monday. That was the complexity of the goodbye.  
The girl’s parents’ anxiety was hidden from their daughter. She was always a dark, introspective child, and they feared her reaction if Blake never returned, which they saw as likely. They nodded and smiled as the child chatted on and on about her plans for Blake’s future with her as his owner. They listened and hastily agreed as she guessed when he would return. As these adults worried about their possible family destruction to an extent, they grossly underestimated emotional bonds between horses and children.
The girl had never completely confided in her parents her plot to buy Blake and showcase the potential she knew he had. She had not told her family that every dream she had relished riding Blake on some wooden trail, or racing him on a sandy beach at night. As a child with many spectacular dreams, she knew the gut-wrenching feeling of rejection from a parent. She knew very well the embarrassment and consequential fear of wearing her fairy-tale hopes on her sleeve. She knew it was a long shot – riding Blake to fame and showing the world how wrongly they had judged those big kind eyes – but she didn’t care. One thing she did remember about having a best friend was that with him, she felt invincible. They had a mutual understanding and their own secret language. The bonds between children and animals are not to be taken lightly: they are true relationships. She had never met a better friend than Blake, and could still remember the hope he gave her that others had smothered.
The girl went through that week calling Julia every day for news that never arrived. She remembers that her other friends who loved animals had a mediocre grasp and apprehension of the situation. Stepping back now, she finally notices the lack of reassurance adults supplied her with, and she can finally perceive the reason behind the lack of. As she glances back at the young girl reading in Blake’s stall, the friendship seems all the more real. She remembers how she raced home from school every day that November week, hoping for a phone call saying he would be coming home.
I forgot to mention what that girl resolved the Thursday after Blake was taken to Washington. Her subconscious had begun to nag at her, but she still had hope for Blake’s return. She knew his health may not be as it was, and that if he were to be retired she would purchase him and give up riding lessons to pay for his board. The eleven-year-old thought about what a curious, yet still joyful twist of fate it would be if she acquired Blake’s ownership papers through his retirement. As if it were a sign, eleven was her lucky number and to take responsibility over the eighteen-year-old horse in her lucky birth-year she could spin into a fate simply meant to be. As this raced through her head during the days of Blake’s absence, the girl decided to visit Blake that day, the next day, or the following day. A slight fear crept into her heart that Blake may not make it, and she knew she had to drive to him at least to say goodbye. I knew Julia would welcome me.
Most people remember the date of losing a loved one, a parent, a child, or a sibling. Fewer seem to remember the date they lost their friends to premature deaths. Yet even less seem to remember the date an animal of theirs died. The number dwindles further when that animal is not owned, or even seen every day by the person. There are even fewer who remember everything; the day, the date, and the time.
I'll cling to remember you
And what you have meant to me
Could never be forgotten
The chains of death
Have fallen, but my heart still bleeds
It longs for the day
When we will be as one, one, one.”

It was November 18, 2004, at approximately 3:30 PM on a Thursday.  


Monday, November 14, 2011

New York, New York

New York

Firstly, let me begin by saying I did not run, except to scurry out of the way of speeding cars.
Next, that this week I have eaten more food than I think I ever have before.
And lastly, that is was one of the most fun and happiest weeks of my life.

I wish I had kept a daily log, because unfortunately so much of it is a blur now. A spectacular blur.
Well I will begin in London, when my dad and I went to an Arsenal game, followed by dinner at a fascinating vegan restaurant in Whole Foods, SAF.

most awesome Whole Foods ever

We took the Tube to and from the game – boy was it packed! The subway trains really do have a tubular shape, and my dad and I had to duck our heads when leaning on the side – so claustrophobic!
It was really nice seeing my dad again though, I am very homesick. Unfortunately, my visit to New York did not give me fuel for another five weeks. It only made me want to leave Dublin more.

So I arrived on Sunday to New York, and met up with my best friend there. We promptly set off to Peanut Butter & Co., getting some delicious sandwiches for dinner.  Sunday was just a nice, low-key night.

The blur really starts from there…we had a grand time hanging out, going to parks, and exploring the city. Monday night we went to Vegetarian Paradise and had some fun with some very awesome vegan comfort food.
Sticky Bun...YUM

Chickin' Nuggets, Buddah's Delight Veggies, and Yuca Fries :)

The next day we spent in a park for some of it, and then I snuck into my friend’s Psych class, which was pretty boring for me, considering it was old information. We did get some good doodles from it though! And it was wonderful just to be together.

a cool birdy tree

For dinner that night we ditched restaurant plans and got the peanut butter sampler from Peanut Butter & Co. so that we could try all the different flavors (except the non-vegan honey one)! Justin took me to  gorgeous park on the docks, and we sat and ate peanut butter and gaze at the water.
Justin took me to the docks :)

Samples of ALL the Peanut Butter & Co. peanut butters

Over the next two days we went to Central Park, Peace CafĂ© (exceptionally good), Angela’s Kitchen, and Lulu’s Sweet Apothecary. In case you don’t know, Justin and I are bound by our love of food :)
I also got to visit one of my best friends in her dorm because she was sick, yet it was wonderful to see her again after two months!
So many colours!

Breaded seitan with greens, mash potatoes, and gravy. SO good!

Brownie Sunday with Peanut Butter and Jelly and Pumpkin Spice Latte ice cream with ginger cookies, whip cream and a cherry :)

Friday was November 11th, 2011, and I have been waiting for 6 years to make my 11:11 wish on this date. Yet…we slept through the 11:11AM. But we had already decided to make this day extra special, because it was my last full day and the day of the big wish. So after Justin, a vegan friend from his floor, and I had a yummy breakfast (except at lunch time…), Justin and I headed out on the beautiful, and bitingly cold day for the Brooklyn Bridge :)

Awesome Monster Jacket complete with spikes

this is a private residence, we checked it out after because it looked so cool

Brooklyn Bridge

It's like spider webs

there are "dinosaurs" in the background :)

It was spectacular :) after grabbing a seasonal Christmas and Fall Starbucks, we then headed to the mystery location Justin wanted to surprise me with…
But before arriving there we got to pass the New York Public Library, and to our good fortune there was a wedding being set up! So we got to gaze at all the beautiful candles lining the steps, and making an aisle way!

New York Public Library

Wedding Candles


We also got chestnuts which I had not had before – but will definitely be making!

Then we walked to dinner at a little Asian place called Zen Palate. Despite being let down by a dessert that did not match our prior exquisite experiences, it was very interesting and far better than I had expected! A wonderful place for that special day :)
And then the big surprise of where we were going to spend the special, once-in-a-lifetime 11:11 wish!

On the Top of the Rock Observation Deck! SPECTACULAR!

Windy and freezing, but the most perfect place to spend 11:11 :)

so cold!


Then Saturday. One of the most depressing departures I have ever had. At least before when I left New York and said goodbye to a relationship with Justin I had the promise of something wonderful and new in Dublin. Now I was leaving one of the best weeks of my life and a guy I loved, for somewhere I knew I did not want to be with all my heart. There were lots of involuntary tears that continued to run down my cheeks.

The whole plane ride, and the brutal layover in Heathrow where I couldn't seem to get myself to do any work, it made me realize how horrified I was to be going back to school. I don’t know how I can make any other decision but to leave Dublin, and I want to go before the semester is even out, because my mental health can’t hold up against this depression. I would kill to be anywhere but here right now.

...except as most of you know i am against killing in every circumstance...haha

It is sad, yeah, because I have such a fantastic experience in front of me. I realize that. The problem is that school is only making me more and more miserable, and the extremity of my loneliness in Dublin is something I don’t think I can handle any longer. The only way I got through the three weeks prior to Reading Week was the promise of New York and leaving. Now I have to wait five weeks, its not fun. but i talked to my parents and they are okay with me skipping my non-fun classes that i dislike! as long as i am not just being lazy. so i am filling my time sitting in on politics and history classes instead. that is how i am making it through the next weeks :) so hopefully not going to nights out and hanging out with drunk people and filling my time being a free-agent-student will help. 

and looking into vegan culinary programs, jobs in Portland, and even in New York. 

A bit of a mixed entry eh? I hope hearing about my wonderful week of love and joy in New York was entertaining, and the last part…well hope that my new classes get me through this. And hope I get the courage to start running again…damn the lazy week…

And I want to thank Justin too. For giving me a decorating pen, a recycled-motorcycle dragonfly, an owl necklace, and one of the happiest weeks of my life :)
You know how I feel about you.